Well…and just like that ..you are THREE.
You are a big girl now — as you like to remind daddy and I almost every day. Though you also tell us you want to stay little forever (I’m sure every person on earth can relate there)
However, time is a thief and the years are rushing by. Honestly, before you, time never seemed to go by so fast. Before you, maybe I just never realized how fast time really does fly. You are a constant reminder of how precious life is and how the days sometimes may be long but the years really are short.
This past year has been an adventure. However, unlike previous years of my life, these past 3 have not been a blur. I remember so much of what you’ve done and what we’ve done together as a family. I may have the help of photos and videos but it goes well beyond that.
When I became a mom I became more alert, more aware of fleeting moments. I’m pretty sure you catch me just staring at you at times – actually on most days, if not every day. I really am just taking it all in. You always ask me to stop… “stop staring mommy” “stop kissing me” “stop hugging me so tight”…and oh goodness I can’t. I refuse to. I just love you too much little one and still to this day can’t believe you are mine.
When I became a mom I also became more patient, more understanding, and a whole lot more vulnerable. As you already know, I cry too much and too often when it comes to the things you do. You sometimes even ask me why and all I can really say is “Mommy is just emotional” but really it’s so much deeper than that.
You probably wonder why I took you out of daycare. And no, it’s not because I’m crazy or because I wanted to be even busier. It’s because I couldn’t bear the thought of missing out on a moment with you. Our days at home alone are messy…in so many ways…but they are so profound. They are filled with so much fun and an immeasurable amount of love.
Every day we laugh, dance, sing, read – on repeat. All moments I will cherish forever. No adventure is too big with you and never will be….as long as we are together. Raising you has been the biggest and most precious gift. It’s a grand responsibility and a blessing. These past 3 years have brought so much joy to my heart. You have grown so tall and into such a beautiful little girl. You play so fiercely and love so deeply. You have a softness that carries so much power and you truly have a spark that shines in the darkest of nights. Watching you (and your little friends) interact gives me hope that this world really isn’t all that lost. There is light even when all seems to be so dim.
You’re so independent. You love doing everything yourself. You love figuring things out and as I said last year, keep that and nurture it. Never ever depend on another person for your happiness. You talk SO much and your vocabulary is incredible. Each day you amaze us with new words and phrases. You really are a little sponge. Your passion for books and reading keeps on growing. You are also growing into the BIGGEST personality. You know what you want and what you don’t want. Unfortunately, what you don’t want always seem to be photos. You clearly got that from your daddy. Time and time again, you turn down photos …even when they are just candids. Goodness it breaks my heart but also forces me to be more present and I know that is a good thing. Silver lining right? You are so respectful and so loving. You say I love you at times when we least expect it. We melt every single time. Just the other day after your party, you grabbed my face and said “Mommy I love you so much and never gonna lose you”
TEARS. HEART IN A PUDDLE ON THE FLOOR.
I know you are only three, but you have somehow taught me more than I have taught you. You have pushed me to limits I didn’t know I had and filled my life with more love than I ever thought possible. With you, all I still want to do is press pause and rewind..and never ever fast forward. You have been the biggest blessing in our lives and I would never and will never take a day for granted. I hope I can always hold you a little longer and squeeze you a little tighter.
I love you so very much.
You saved me without knowing it. You taught me about myself. You are my greatest life lesson and biggest achievement.
I’ll leave you with the same poem I left you with last year and the year before that..and the same poem I end every letter I write to you with
“Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows higher
than soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder thats keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)”
HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAY WISHES to you my little love.
I carry your heart..and always always will